Where Advocacy, Special Needs Parenting, & Life Collide
When Special Needs Meets Christmas (& Santa)
Mixing Awesomeness, and Special Needs, with Christmas
Last Christmas - Bobby peeking under the tree
This time of year, from Thanksgiving, through Christmas, and around the start of the New Year — isn’t easy for a lot of people for many different reasons. When you have a child with special needs, though, there are specific challenges that crop up, ones that others don’t always understand.
You have to teach your kid things others come to the tree or holiday gathering with – like how to unwrap a present for the third year in a row (we made it a therapy goal finally … we can learn!).
Family gatherings can be torture, especially if your family isn’t as supportive. We’ve had it both ways – with family that was phenomenal at helping with the boys, and again with family that gave dirty looks and sighed dramatically at every movement my children made. Guess which experience we actually wanted to repeat?
“That Child Needs Some Discipline” – Oh no, you didn’t say that!
If you have to chase kids, respond to crises, be prepared for a seizure, feed them by hand, chase the kids some more, and take one to the potty while you change another … you run out of hands pretty fast. The older a kid gets, the easier it is to not see these things when a family is out with family or in a public place.
Instead you might see the antsy child, the parent who “worries too much,” or the kid you are sure could just use a bit of discipline (we’re not even going to go there or this will become a rant!).
A different kind of Holiday Experience with the special needs family
A Christmas Morning Scene
The fact is, when you have children with special needs, you greet the holidays with excitement and trepidation.
The things that become part of tradition in most families, from family gatherings to Santa Clause sightings and pictures … those aren’t really the things that we care about at Christmas here. Don’t get me wrong, we still celebrate them, and love them … but as with most things in this crazy world we live in, we celebrate the small things about Christmas, even Santa, here at the Moody house too.
Those small blessings …
If you are only focused on the hard things, you lose out on the joys of the holidays (whether you celebrate Christmas like we do, or Hanukkah, or something else). I remember some of those early moments that made Christmas magical for me when the boys were younger:
- The first present Bobby unwrapped all by himself … he was maybe 5?
- The year Bobby discovered the joy of Christmas lights … we tacked them up around the room and he sat and stared in wonder at the novelty of lights off of the tree.
- We were able to put a full-size tree up this year (without someone tearing all the ornaments off the tree or having a seizure because of the lights)!
- My kids (the ones who can talk) can tell you that Jesus is the reason for the season, and mean it … usually *grin*
My guys don’t sit on Santa’s lap (one year … at a school function … never again!) but they have a joy about Christmas and the holidays that is charming and innocent in a way.
Christmas, to me, to our family, is more about the smiles and traditions that we are building one tiny victory at a time. This year, a full-sized Christmas tree and actual lights … next year, the world!
What are the traditions in your house during Christmas and the rest of the holiday season?
Do you find Christmas a difficult time of year?
What techniques have you learned to handle Christmas if you have children with special needs?
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Katrina Moody
Graphic Designer, Wordpress Addict, Blogger at Kat's Media & More
I'm a special needs parent before just about everything else in life, but also a passionate advocate for my three boys and husband, who all have a bit of awesomeness about them. Awesomeness = Axenfeld-Rieger Syndrome, Autism, Epilepsy, Dyslexia, Cerebral Palsy, and more. It all adds up to some awesome kids and an amazing family.
@KatrinaMoody
Wife; Mom to 3 guys w/ARS, autism, epilepsy & awesomeness; Advocate. Writer, Graphic Designer, Wordpress addict, social media nut. Site: http://katsmedia.com &
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I work with special needs kids, so I can relate to a lot of the issues surrounding the holiday season, particularly sensory overload. Locally, one organization supplied a “sensitive Santa” : a quiet room, with an experienced Santa who sits quietly, allowing kids to approach at will (or not). No crowds, no noise, very low volume music, and a special playroom to occupy kids who are waiting. Best of all, no sighs, dirty looks, or snarky comments from harried shoppers. I’d love to see this trend spread throughout the country!
This was a great post, I wish you and yours a Happy Christmas!
Li recently posted..The Unwrapping – Flash Fiction
I’m so thankful I saw your post via a friend on twitter. My family is considering adopting a child with Down syndrome and I had never thought about the challenge of the holiday season experienced from that angle. I know there are day to day challenges with special needs kids but for some reason I hadn’t translated it to the holidays. Great food for thought and a good reminder to be sensitive to the needs of other families!
Beck – it’s marvelous that you are thinking of these issues with an impending adoption of a child with Down Syndrome. Just remember that even with all the challenges, even though it helps so much to have family who are sensitive to yours and your child’s needs during this hectic time of year … you really can’t go wrong if you embrace this child with LOVE. It sounds like that is what you are trying to do, and that is a true blessing in and of itself!
I will say that taking care of children with special needs is very hard.But if you have patience and understanding,you will understand how hard their situation is!
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Tracyann0312 recently posted..לימודי נטורופתיה
Well-stated Tracy. Hope you and yours are set to have a marvelous Christmas!
Thanks Katrina. Hoping that we can have a marvelous Christmas after obstacles happen!
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TracyAnn0312 recently posted..קבלה
I am really glad that I ran across your post on here while browsing through your blog. (Even if it is after the craziness that is Christmas Holidays.) I have experience with relatives in my family as well as my boyfriends family being autistic and I find it insane the differences you can see in the families. In my family everyone is very mindful of the children helping them out and helping them cope while in my boyfriends family the child’s parents were in denial for so long and it really hurt her because she couldn’t handle the chaos that comes with the parties and all of the travelling. For a few years myself and my boyfriend would take her to a bedroom away from everyone and just sit there with her one toy and help her calm down. It is imperative that you look out for your child over everything else. On a more personal note remembering my own childhood, I can remember the jealousness from my sister with me getting “special” treatment around the holidays and throughout the winter. I am the older sibling but with a physical disability when we would get out dad would do things to help such as carry me and help open presents and other things.
Ashley Pomykala recently posted..Tide Coupons
Ashley – thank you so much for your thoughtful comment!
I am sure happy the craziness of the Christmas holiday is behind us for another year – but it was filled with blessings this year. It is interesting the differences you can see from family to family when it comes to accepting the child with any kind of disability. And you have a dual concern in family gatherings because you are so attuned to your child (children) that not only do the children need attending, but the parents need some understanding and help as well.
What you and your boyfriend did was so incredible and I am sure really helped the child and the family. I know there have been times we bowed out of family gatherings or simply left early because we didn’t want the kids to be overwhelmed.
It sounds like you have some great memories of when you were younger – I hope that my kids look back and see the positive things we tried to do as the years go by.
Thanks so much for commenting, Ashley – I love seeing things from a different yet similar perspective.