Dealing with being a Special Needs Mom, Wife, Woman-Can be Overwhelming
You guys know I’m a special needs parent – in that I have kids with special needs. But I also have a husband with health problems, and in the complexity of dealing with the combined stresses, I find myself questioning the validity of how I cope with new diagnosis, with the daily routine.
If you deal with these issues as well, then you know that you can sometimes feel overwhelmed, sometimes frustrated, and sometimes even confused. Confused? Huh?
But yes, confused … because you always have this preconceived notion of how you should feel or how you should react to the kinds of things that happen daily around here, and sometimes it is confusing when you don’t feel much like reacting that way. When you have reached a wall and can’t react as positively as you normally do, even for a moment – it can make you feel so very confused deep inside.
You see, I pride myself on easy acceptance – on being able to deal with the constant issues that arise in our world of kids with special needs and health issues too numerous to count. But sometimes, I can’t find that easy acceptance, and sometimes I am not even sure I want to.
Those answers to the deep questions, whether they are about a new diagnosis, or how we should react to a new diagnosis, are important to feel, to work through. And sometimes working through the emotions leaves you open to understanding yourself a little more.
This is one of those pieces that wrote itself, in the dead of the night not that long ago, after dealing with yet another diagnosis. Read and then see my questions at the end. I would love your thoughts.
Sometimes, late at night when I should be dreaming, I instead find the thoughts hard to chase away. They sit and linger, nestle in and burrow into my subconscious.
Sometimes, late at night, when the rest of the house is asleep, my mind wanders, and leaves me facing truths I’d rather leave unspoken.
I’m left waiting for another night to pass, for another morning to dawn, another day of appointments, and tests, and answers to questions answered and yet…not.
I find myself with this strange yearning, a hard one to describe, to whisper to myself at night. To confess.
You see, sometimes, in the dark and lateness of the night, when no one is up to hear, I can think to myself and admit, that maybe I don’t want to answer the questions plaguing my mind, my heart, my fears.
Would it be easier to wander about the unknown, to fear it and respect it, than to embrace the answers and new questions sure to come? Or worse still, a lack of answers. At what point does no answer become better than the answer?
Late at night, as my mind wanders, the answers elude me, the questions heckle me; they twist and turn, and I’m left wishing instead for the answers to remain.
A little deep, I know, but it also got me to thinking … how honest are we, really, with ourselves when we think we’re dealing so well with everything that happens in our lives?
If I’m being honest – I get scared, overwhelmed, my thoughts race, and I can’t focus…sometimes…because of the questions moving through my mind. I bet, if you are honest, there are times you feel the same way?
What do you do when that happens? Me? Sometimes I cry, sometimes I rage, and sometimes I accept. You see, I’m not perfect … I’m just a mom doing the best she can, a wife struggling to do the same. And at the end of the day I react in all-too-human ways to the crises of life.
And you? Why don’t you share in the comments? Think others might appreciate thinking all these thinkie thoughts? I’d love it if you shared the post for me so we could find out! At the end of the day, long though it might be, do you have questions relating to the special needs your significant other or children might have?