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I Remember when I Fell in Love with my Husband
One of my favorite memories of my husband and I together falls before we were married, back in the early days of dating as we were beginning to get to know each other.
One night we settled against against the hood of the Mercury Monarch Jim was so proud of, and we spent hours talking. We noticed the stars, kind of. We blushed and we stammered and we grew to love one another over stumbling words and half-hidden glances at one another.
And somehow, over the years, we’ve been able to continue loving one another, even growing in maturity and love for one another.
Back before we were dealing with therapies and appointments and the pure craziness that came with three boys with awesomeness, we grew to love one another because we learned about each other. And we worked at it. When I was away at IU; when I was dealing with the fallout from family issues; when I needed someone who could look at me and say I was beautiful for ME, and that I was loved … Jim was there.
But that’s not why I love him.
Love Takes Time
Over the years, as we have struggled to remember that love amidst the stress of raising three kids with awesomeness, we both sometimes forgot that time of learning to love. We forgot how hard it was to fall in love. And we treated our marriage as if it were a secondary entity in this overwhelming family.
We still do that sometimes.
And yet we always come around the corner and tiptoe around and up to one another, we always come face-to-face, and we always remember that we’re a team. It’s us against the world. Us. We. Him and I. We come together, and we work better together.
That’s still not why I love him.
Love Grows Through Adversity
The truth is, it’s not all easy. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes we struggle. Sometimes we hurt.
That’s the nature of a relationship, and it’s easy to forget that when divorce is whispered more often than marriage in this country, when television shows romanticize the notion of love and what it means in a marriage.
Sometimes we forget that we worked for this marriage before it was ever a marriage – we tiptoed up to love before it was an ingrained part of Jim&I. And I’m not proud to say that sometimes, when stress has seemed almost overwhelming, when we’ve struggled to understand each other, we’ve hurt more than we’ve loved.
Because when were first married, it was with starstruck eyes and that feeling of romantic and amazing ‘this is perfect’ kind of love – and no one bothered to tell us that kind of love isn’t what a marriage is built on. Oh, it can be started on it, founded on it, forged in it. But you don’t build a marriage brick by brick with that kind of love.
So that’s not how or why I still love him.
Love (and Marriage) Grows over Time
Instead, as we matured, we grew to love each other in a more mature way (but not always!). I love my husband because we are two parts of a whole.
There are times one or both of us forget that, when we hurt or are hurt by our lives or our actions, but I think you either grow closer together, stronger, after the challenges and triumphs of life, or sometimes you (and your marriage) falls apart.
While we have stumbled, Jim and I overwhelmingly, desperately, unconditionally love each other.
When I drive him crazy because I talk to everyone … he still loves me. When he has a hard time verbalizing what he’s thinking or telling me things (hello aspergers my old friend, er, nemesis) … I still love him.
I can’t speak for him, but I can unequivocally say I love him more today than I did the day we married.
We wage a battle every day in a world out to convince us that a hard marriage isn’t worth being a marriage; we wage a battle every time one of us struggles to handle the day-to-day stresses of handling three boys who are autistic, epileptic, and 100% awesome; but never do we forget that there is love.
We fit together in ways I never could have imagined over 15 years ago, almost as if we are growing closer together as life weathers us.
And that is why I love him.
Because we fit together in a world where most things buckle and break.
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.